Recently I have been analyzing what it is that gets me the most about same-sex attractions. Is it that I really do want to be homosexual, am I a guy desperately wanting sex with a man, do I need some "father" affection or am I a sex addict? So many questions...
I really think that the issue for me is that I find myself being addicted to what I call "the look." When a man looks my way more than once there is a feeling of acceptance that I feel. In the deep of my heart I really don't want to go to bed with him, I just want to know that I am accepted. I kind of feel that a lot of we go through with the same-sex issue is really an issue of accenptance and rejection. We so desperately feel rejected by the world of men that we look for it to the point of it becoming an addiction. Just one more look...
The issue isn't how to become hetrosexual for me, the issue is, how do I let myself walk into the world of men and feel the acceptance that I need. How do I feel the same as every other man? How do I let myself believe that I am not a "special one", but just like all the other guys? God is my only hope. He has to change my eyes. I pray constantly and I see Him answering this simple prayer. Open my eyes to the truth...let it set me free.
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I am gad that you are coming to understand the underlying emotions and motives of your same sex attractions: to the desire to be affirmed by a man, not necessarily to have sex with him.
I have found that once this desire is legitimately met, without sex, then the tendency to have same sex attractions deminishes.
Its a weird, wonderful and frightening revelation to know that you are really longing for affirmation from other men. The tightrope is trying to figure out what is healthy and what isn't. Of course, anything sexual isn't. Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it a lot! It's good to hear from another one that is not just holding on and making it, but really walking the truth out! Thanks again
It's so weird for me because I've always felt accepted by men. I grew up with a great father and brother and I've always felt like I fit in with guys quite well. I did sports in high school (was a captain of the cross country and track teams my senior year, even).
So... at least with my same-sex attractions, this whole line of thinking doesn't work. I already feel accepted as a man. This doesn't mean that every guy I know likes me, of course, but my conflicts with people have nothing to do with our gender.
I am a special man, of course, but only in the sense that every human being is unique and different.
I don't think this narrative necessarily fits myself either.
SSA does seem to come with a raft of other issues that I have often wondered whether or not they were causative or resultant and reinforcing or resultant and distracting.
In other words, does something like a feeling of rejection by a father cause same-sex attractions? reinforce ones that are already there? or simply consume people who are grieving about SSA and looking for an explanation?
Anyways, I know that there is no human acceptance that can replace the security of the love of Christ. Men may fail us but Jesus Christ never does.
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